shorter, more evocative description: " Click. That is a key to delivering quality reports. Unfortunately my personal history with the place didn't seem to carry much weight with anyone official, and my calls to both the theater and city hall had thus far gone unanswered. Problem: This sentence is kind of long. You can talk about the effects of either your family life (like your relationship with your parents or what your household was like growing up) or your cultural history (like your Jewish faith or your Venezuelan heritage). Instead, she decides to focus in on a specific incident that exemplifies what mattered to her about the experience: her failed attempt to climb Half Dome.
Solution: Cut this sentence and start with the line of dialogue. Contrary to what you may have learned in elementary school, sweeping statements don't make very strong hooks. They were also hired based on a high-standard assessment. You hate them because you are never on time. You can do so with a relevant anecdote or a detailed description. Extensive editing and rewriting is vital to crafting an effective personal statement. Check out our complete guide to the UC personal statements. The last thing you want is for an admissions officer to be put off by a typo or error.